The senior slide towards sadism
For most of the high school’s seniors, early November is when the multi-year process of readying college applications — test scores, grades, essays, and financial aid, combined with dreadful unpredictability…
Harvest for Harvard: with college fees topping $90,000 per year, students turn to black market organ sales to fund higher education
With the news of Boston University, Wellesley College, and Tufts raising undergraduate costs to surpass $90,000 a year, and increasing pressures to stand out in the admissions process, high school…
SATIRE: School fountains reach new low; dehydrate students
By Alex Doe ’16, News Editor In what many students are calling a “new low” for the water fountains at the school, a student needed to be hospitalized after an…
SATIRE: Featured (better than) teacher: This kid has all the answers
By Zach Miller ’17, Features Editor You’ve seen his kind in all of your classes. Whenever the teacher asks a question, real or rhetorical, there goes his hand, skyrocketing into…
SATIRE: Joke to reality: “It smells like something died in here”
By Jameson O’Neil ’18, Staff Writer On March 11, Patrick Lotor ’19 discovered something strange in the Wellesley High School locker room. The time was 2:47pm. Lotor was preparing to…
SATIRE: Students awakes from Instagram induced coma
By Olivia Gieger ’17, Associate Editor On Thursday, Wellesley residents celebrated the return to consciousness of a sophomore student after she spent a week in a coma due to withdrawal…
SATIRE: Kasich is Krazy
By Matthew Hornung ’16, Staff Writer Voters will face a highly consequential decision this November, carrying with them the responsibility to choose the next President of the United States. As…
SATIRE: New SAT: The reviews are in!
By Celia Golod ’17, Features Editor With college acceptance rates dropping and pressure from friends and family to attend a top school rising, students are beginning to rely on their…
SATIRE: Open-Minded Student Cannot Understand The Color Purple
By Rachel Landau ’16, Photo Editor Dustin Tansley ’16 mentioned recently in English class that he simply could not fathom why he and his peers had to read The Color…
SATIRE: Adventurous student struggles in Newton
By Peter Santo ’16, Sports Editor Newton may be one of the safest cities in America, but it was certainly a culture shock for one Wellesley student. Upon crossing the…