November 24, 2017

SATIRE: Adventurous student struggles in Newton

By Peter Santo ’16, Sports Editor

Newton may be one of the safest cities in America, but it was certainly a culture shock for one Wellesley student.

Upon crossing the border, he immediately noticed the small number of Teslas joining his on the roads. The people weren’t wearing designer brand clothes. “These people are savages,” he thought.

When he finally made it to Cabots, a small ice cream shop known for its massive sundaes and friendly atmosphere, he was taken aback by the blue-collar mentality of the staff.

“They wore just plain white collared shirts and were covered with ice cream, it was disgusting. It wasn’t even frozen yogurt,” he said.

He had never had to wait for a table before, so when the waitress told him it would be a few minutes before he could be seated, he almost stormed out in disgust, but decided to have his parents call instead.

After waiting for five minutes, he berated the waitress, demanding he be seated immediately.

As he walked to his table, he stepped in ice cream and was extremely upset. “These shoes cost more money than you make in a year,” he told the waitress.

“You could definitely tell he was rich, he made no attempt to hide it. He was very rude and didn’t even leave a tip. Seriously? All that money and you can’t even tip me?” said the waitress.

He almost lost it again when the same waitress spilled hot fudge on his $3000 sport coat. She apologized profusely, but that did not stop the student from giving the shop manager a piece of his mind.

“I am a paying customer. How could you let your staff treat me this way? Your incompetence is unbelievable,” he said.

With that, he got back in his Tesla, thoroughly disgusted with his experience in the big city, and returned to the friendly confines of Wellesley. When he got home, he immediately jumped on Yelp and gave the restaurant a one star review, while simultaneously tweeting his displeasure.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*